attempt.

so sleepy these days.
typically, i am a lazyass, but these days it has been more pronounced, and more lazyassly than ever…

what the deal is?

i be taking naps and still be getting tired at midnight. maybe that’s why i don’t write so much anymore. 3am used to be a prolific power hour for me.

i’m not complaining. just contemplating.

i can’t remember the last time i’ve been to the dentist. good thing misoo is going to be one. free gold teeth for everyone! it’s on me, i’ll shmelt her jewerly for it.

still reachin’ for substance. (in the place of popularity omgcantwaitforlasers).

the get-back.

mama’ i’ll be alrite,

just let me do my thing

following my dreams;

this is me.

i’m sensing a come-back… sometime soon will be
sayin’ hi-hatuh’s after my hiatus.

at first, i was mad. and then,

a sad realization today:

i only have two arms and one heart.
Joey said it like this before:
social life, grades, sleep. choose two.

it all boils down to making the decisions.
sorry i couldn’t do it all. it’s hard enough trying to do the little things i have the right way.

DREAMS

momma i got dreams, but dreams don’t keep the lights on….

Not too sure where I’m going with this thought… i’m a little writer-rusty.

I have a final tomorrow that I’m not feelin too good about. But then again, story of my semester. I’m over it. Times like these (finals, graduations, banquets, tears) make me wonder if I’ll look back and regret such luckluster academic effort. In the end I guess I’ll be like lady justice, and I’ll be chillen there with my balance/scale thing, seein if it was really all worth it. And yeah. I think it was.
I met a girl during work (no, this is not goin where you are assuming) a couple of weeks ago. When I found out she was a senior I was like “damn, you must be hella sad that it’s all coming to an end”. And she goes: “no, I’m actually really excited to get out of school and to have a fresh-start”. I took in what she said and I thought for a minute. And then I was like: “dang, you tried really hard in school, huh?” And she said it like this: “yeap”.
Thinking about that made me realize that I’m gonna be hella hella hella sad when all this comes to an end. I guess it says a lot about me; i’m not too sure if it’s good or bad (i.e. i’m a dumbass)…(i’m sure it’s a little bit of both). But yeah. When all is said and done, all we can really ask ourselves is if it was worth it… cuz you can’t do everything, you can’t have everything. If you could go back in time, there is always something (even if it’s small) that you would do differently. I think I might dwell on that too much tho.

and that’s okay. cause i think i’ll be alright.

i tried to convey that to my mom in my mother’s day letter to her that Dick composed for me. it was along the lines of how i don’t want her to worry about  me, because even when it seems like i don’t know what i’m doing, i’m pretty sure that i’m going to be okay. and in knowing that, i guess that means that i know what i’m doing. and i do. I’m not too sure how much sense this is making.

I’m pretty ridiculous, and it’s pretty ridiculous that God brought me to where I am so far.
Is it then still ridiculous to trust that in the end I’m going to be alright?
This makes me feel better about things a lot of the time.

and that’s okay.

empathizee

my homie spill out his heart,
and i can just hear him out, and like braile:
i feel you dawg. i feel what u mean.

they “hmm’s…”

despite always having something to say,
i kinda feel like just listening.

meet me

where strong people crumble
and eyes full of sorrow speak of more appreciation than spoken words.

where introductions mean more
and being-there is no longer taken for granted.

because… you’re there. and not somewhere else.
and you sit. and say nothing. and silence is a novel’s worth of words.

and afterwards. you smile. and for some reason, although you’ve smiled so many times before, this time it just melts in. and you think about it, and you can still say that God is good.

try (again)

since january 20th–when this semester began–i had 6 midterms.
to butcher an old japanese adage and a converse wade campaign:

fall down 6 times. stand up 7.

it was a good day

today was kind of funny. i guess i randomly felt like doing a lot of things i haven’t done in a while. i played basketball and i decided to write (look at me now), and i randomly appreciated my sister. [don't tell her tho. her heds big enuff].

i wake up every morning feeling a little different every time. it’s like a hook to a song: can’t it be all so simple then? sometimes it’s yes and sometimes it’s no. then it repeats like a coda. i just decided (right now) that if my life was a song, there would be three parts.

1. sad eric
2. happy eric
3. the beatitudes (the beginning verses).

i guess what my sister had to say to me was a bridge between verses i was dabbling in. randomly. we complain to each other… a lot. we give each other good words… almost never. so, today was a good day.

aloysius is peeking.

dear mama

happy birthday!

you are appreciated.