DREAMS

momma i got dreams, but dreams don’t keep the lights on….

Not too sure where I’m going with this thought… i’m a little writer-rusty.

I have a final tomorrow that I’m not feelin too good about. But then again, story of my semester. I’m over it. Times like these (finals, graduations, banquets, tears) make me wonder if I’ll look back and regret such luckluster academic effort. In the end I guess I’ll be like lady justice, and I’ll be chillen there with my balance/scale thing, seein if it was really all worth it. And yeah. I think it was.
I met a girl during work (no, this is not goin where you are assuming) a couple of weeks ago. When I found out she was a senior I was like “damn, you must be hella sad that it’s all coming to an end”. And she goes: “no, I’m actually really excited to get out of school and to have a fresh-start”. I took in what she said and I thought for a minute. And then I was like: “dang, you tried really hard in school, huh?” And she said it like this: “yeap”.
Thinking about that made me realize that I’m gonna be hella hella hella sad when all this comes to an end. I guess it says a lot about me; i’m not too sure if it’s good or bad (i.e. i’m a dumbass)…(i’m sure it’s a little bit of both). But yeah. When all is said and done, all we can really ask ourselves is if it was worth it… cuz you can’t do everything, you can’t have everything. If you could go back in time, there is always something (even if it’s small) that you would do differently. I think I might dwell on that too much tho.

and that’s okay. cause i think i’ll be alright.

i tried to convey that to my mom in my mother’s day letter to her that Dick composed for me. it was along the lines of how i don’t want her to worry about  me, because even when it seems like i don’t know what i’m doing, i’m pretty sure that i’m going to be okay. and in knowing that, i guess that means that i know what i’m doing. and i do. I’m not too sure how much sense this is making.

I’m pretty ridiculous, and it’s pretty ridiculous that God brought me to where I am so far.
Is it then still ridiculous to trust that in the end I’m going to be alright?
This makes me feel better about things a lot of the time.

and that’s okay.