Next week I’m 24. Birthdays are funny for me. To me, it’s the one day you can command unquestioned loyalty from your friends. Not sure how it is for you, but that is how it is staged in my life. but for the rest of those 364 days of the year, as a friend be sacrificing, kind… and a trolling asshole.

i’m trynna go to sleep but it ain’t pullin me in.

+

call the homies and slow your role

in my opinion, the dubs have been dipping their hands in too many pots. they have chased nearly every attractive free agent without committing fully to any single one. the biggest commitment they made was an offer sheet to deandre jordan, and using their amnesty provision to drop charlie bell’s contract (which was warranted… but kind of a waste since he was gettin money, but not andris money). but c’mon, you know the clippers were going to match that. no commitment, too fickle, too much wishful thinking. and that is why i am like the warriors. and that is why i am going to end up with life’s comparable constitution of a kwame brown for 7 million dollars in a year.

i’m chasing every dream right now. i want a job today. i want med school tomorrow. med school turns me down for the lakers. then i want x,y,z grad school to attain an x,y,z degree. then i apply to a job. then i complain that work will be too passionless. then the commissioner blocks the med-school to lakers acquisition, so i still have a chance. and then i realize who i am, and it is all wishful thinking. and then i’m stuck with myself, and kwame. kwamay. i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but i feel like i don’t even know which tunnel i’m trying to go through. time will tell, and til then i will do my best to stay calm, in the middle and just drop bombs.

let’s just hope he’s not too much of a scrub.

tl;dr – setting  myself up for failure.

all in all, i think i’m okay. i’m pretty sure i’m not getting the hiv from today’s needle prick, but it made me think a lot. i say yolo, because i mean it too, not because today made me realize to see life in a new light.

my finger still hurts. but who cares.

you only live once.

i looked back on my posts and realized i been trying to put people on to cole since summer of junior year. and this week he goes gold with his first album. damb, i guess it takes a long time to accomplish your dreams, but i bet it went fast. mr. me too. i’m trying to enjoy the ride. this stress inducing, life questioning, time consuming ride.

me too. i want that shine. i want my words to be heavy, and i want to see my name on a paper on a frame. but then what, then i win? hardly. then when i am asked to give it up, it becomes that much harder.

my people.

made me think a thought within a thought

I been getting restless. I can lay in bed and try to sleep with a heavy conscience. I feel a pressure deep in my sinuses, as its a result of chronically furrowing my eyebrows. but my face is as placid as a lamb. I was never about the tangible things. I can build and build, but I never was one to valuate my life based on the shiny things in my hands. So I go to bed, knowing that my days have little to show for them.

I am good at the motions too. So this is my trick, and I can do it well. I guess I can go for days.

And then You told me to get over myself, and that Your yoke is light. And I am slow to learn, so please be patient. But I think… I’m starting to feel alright.

It all started when you told me, take care.

anyways, that cd is fire!