to bigguh,
who makes it hard for me to see your face and hear your voice.

You have taught me many things.
One, to not be like you.

—-
I stopped praying for family a while ago. Not because I didn’t care anymore… I just stopped. I don’t know why, maybe it just kinda seeped out of my consciousness–like one of those things you remember that you forgot (only to forget again).
Maybe because I was content. Maybe because I was selfish. But there are always big reminders that God has a lot of work to do still.

when we come together, I can cry both ways. I can show you, but I don’t think you’d understand why.

signed

little brother.

I wonder what will release first, detox or starcraft II…

dates are just numbers, but they approach so fast. and before you know it, you’re a senior in high school with only the slightest idea of what the world is all about, which probably means you will get eaten up alive in a couple of months..

but it’s been a minute…

I wanted to write more

but

i got lazy.

and hence, the story of my life.

I asked god to make him good

and he made him more hood.

you got years on you old man.

i say now please.

i complain about people; people-progression/evolution (devolution).
complainin about how he-fell-off. he used to be somewhat decent, now he ain’t even that. or maybe he was nice once. not happy nice, but the raw nice; the i-can-see-myself-looking-up-to-him nice. but that’s the past-tense. a “was.” and you know what it was? he got comfortable. he was hungry. no, he was HAWNNNGRAY. and got fed. he was thirsty and was hydrated. he one was good, but wanted the peak. and i don’t know what it is; if you’re not climbing, you’re falling. so i worry.

cuz i complain about them. they live x-amount of years, 365 days (+1 for every x/4) for each. even if they take babysteps towards improvement a day.. that shud amount to a decent person? or are we in seasons of decline. and iono, because i feel like i can attest to that. fall to get up? the graph of life is prolly sinusoidal, but some people have higher amplitudes than others.

“remember the heights.” did any of that make sense.

(j. cole is still nice). please listen to the warm up.

as i am studying on a saturday afternewn, thinking about the way things should be.

music should be blasted, bass should rattle trunks, good music is to be shared–even if coercively.

i think people (ergo jolly) hate my music. but i did catch him listening to paper trail one week, so i guess an environment can really influence someone. i wonder if we really are little fish in big-ass ponds or big fish in big-ass ponds. 9 out of 10 people are getting humbled throughout the semester (and there is prolly a larger rate for fic people becuz… in all reality, they can’t study). and we ponder and ponder and conclude that we aren’t as smart as we really thot we were. maybe we are smart, or maybe we’re right and we’re dumbasses. or maybe it’s a little bit of both. like all things moderation is best–even in intellect i supposeseses. i don’t know what i’m trynna to get at, but watch your hed because it can get big. but watch your hed cause if it gets too small, you’re wasting your potential.

words should be weighty. offensive, if possible.

and i’m thinking about how terrible i am at allocating my time for doing things

and then sticking to the plan.

as i eat my cap’n crunch cereal

i think about some stuff.

like how we gettin closer and

we were trippin at the speed at which life progress,

cause we are all the way up here and still goin

while some of them still in the corners

trippin off of the fact that they still the same people they was 5 years ago.

and that ain’t a bad thing, but i’d like to see you achieve.

and i know it prolly don’t make sense but that’s how it’s in my hed.

and so if i wrote a letter to little man,

then it’d sound a lot like the song, little man.

i told myself that summer time would be reserved for self-improvement,

but it’s like that girl that fell into a man-hole while she was texting on her fone. i walk familiar paths everyday so i don’t expect nothing out of the ordinary. and there are big ass holes in my way. i guess the moral of the story is to stop texting. avert your eyes from what averts your eyes.

but i still have a couple of weeks left to learn to be a good person.

j.cole is nice.

so sleepy these days.
typically, i am a lazyass, but these days it has been more pronounced, and more lazyassly than ever…

what the deal is?

i be taking naps and still be getting tired at midnight. maybe that’s why i don’t write so much anymore. 3am used to be a prolific power hour for me.

i’m not complaining. just contemplating.

i can’t remember the last time i’ve been to the dentist. good thing misoo is going to be one. free gold teeth for everyone! it’s on me, i’ll shmelt her jewerly for it.

still reachin’ for substance. (in the place of popularity omgcantwaitforlasers).

mama’ i’ll be alrite,

just let me do my thing

following my dreams;

this is me.

i’m sensing a come-back… sometime soon will be
sayin’ hi-hatuh’s after my hiatus.

a sad realization today:

i only have two arms and one heart.
Joey said it like this before:
social life, grades, sleep. choose two.

it all boils down to making the decisions.
sorry i couldn’t do it all. it’s hard enough trying to do the little things i have the right way.